Four-Warned: April 2010

Every month I’m going to look at every movie on the release schedule and try to assign them a numerical value corresponding to how anxious I am to see it. The lower the number, the more I want to see it. A one means I would walk through hell and high water to see it; a four means there’s no interest whatsoever. The numbers are not arrived at scientifically but they aren’t arbitrary either.

The numbers aren’t a reflection of the artistic merit of any of these films, but merely a reflection of my willingness to go to a movie theater and see it. The top four scores will be gathered as a means of reflecting the movies I’m anticipating the most; you may use that as a guide or not.

Each entry is broken down as follows:

NAME OF FILM (Studio) Genre A brief description of the plot. Release plans: Wide = Everywhere, Limited = In selected markets. RATING A brief explanation

Keep in mind that release dates are extremely subject to change, even at this late date.

FOUR TO SEE

1. KICK-ASS (1.0)
2. CLASH OF THE TITANS (1.2)
3. THE LOSERS (1.2)
4. THE WARLORDS (1.6)
Tie. OCEANS (1.6)

RATING SYSTEM: 1) Must-see, 2) Should-see, 3) Perhaps-see, 4) Don’t-see.

APRIL 2, 2010

BREAKING UPWARDS (IFC) Genre: Indie Drama. A young New York couple decides to break up but chooses to follow an unusual strategy. Release Strategy: New York (Opening in Los Angeles April 9). RATING: 3.2 Scored a little high on the pretentious meter.
CLASH OF THE TITANS (Warner Brothers) Genre: Fantasy. Men are pitted against Gods in Ancient Greece in a war that threatens to destroy them both. Release Strategy: Wide (Standard and 3D). RATING: 1.2 Spectacular remake of 80s film looks good but could take itself too seriously.
DON MCKAY (Image Entertainment) Genre: Indie Thriller. A man returns to his hometown two decades after leaving it at the behest of his ex-girlfriend only to find himself ensnared by a dark scheme. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.0 Thomas Haden Church stars? I’m sooo there!
THE GREATEST (Paladin) Genre: Indie Drama. A grieving couple takes in the pregnant girlfriend of their dead son and finds their lives transformed in the process. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 1.7 A strong cast highlight what looks to be a powerful drama.
LEAVES OF GRASS (First Look) Genre: Comedy/Thriller. A straight-arrow college professor returns home to bury his drug-dealing twin brother only to discover he’s not quite dead yet. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 1.9 Double the Edward Norton, double the fun.
THE THORN IN THE HEART (Oscilloscope Laboratories) Genre: Documentary. Acclaimed director Michel Gondry films his most personal movie yet – the story of his Aunt Suzette. Release Strategy: New York only. RATING: 3.3 I’m curious to see how Gondry does with more traditional storytelling methods.
TYLER PERRY’S WHY DID I GET MARRIED TOO? (Lionsgate) Genre: Urban Dramedy. The sequel to Perry’s look at modern marriage as eight college friends struggle with the challenges of 21st century relationships. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 3.5 The first movie was terribly uneven; didn’t leave it wanting to see a sequel.
THE WARLORDS (Magnet) Genre: Foreign Epic Drama. Three friends try to survive a time of political upheaval and political intrigue in 19th Century China. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 1.6 Jet Li stars in another visual treat from China.

APRIL 9, 2010

AFTER.LIFE (Anchor Bay) Genre: Psychological Horror. A young woman wakes up to find out that she is dead and is being prepared for her funeral by a man who may not be what he appears to be. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.1 Liam Neeson and Christina Ricci star in this movie that looks to be scary as all hell.
THE BLACK WATERS OF ECHO’S POND (Project 8) Genre: Supernatural Horror. A group of friends on vacation play an archaic board game and release evil in the process. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.8 Been there, done that.
DATE NIGHT (20th Century Fox) Genre: Comedy. A couple out on a rare night out find themselves caught in a case of mistaken identity that will make their evening a lot crazier than they bargained for. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 2.3 Steve Carrell plus Tina Fey equals box office gold.
EVERYONE ELSE (The Cinema Guild) Genre: Foreign Romance. A couple on holiday find the differences between them exposed when they hook up with a couple that is clearly happier than they are. Release Strategy: New York only. RATING: 2.9 Subject matter doesn’t exactly grab my interest.
LA MISSION (Screen Media) Genre: Indie Drama. A tough and respected Latino bus driver in San Francisco must come to terms with his gay son. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.5 Gay issues haven’t been explored too thoroughly in Latino cinema.
LETTERS TO GOD (Vivendi) Genre: Spiritual Family Drama. A young cancer patient’s letters to the Almighty have a powerful effect on a postal worker. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 3.8 Explorations of faith done family-style have a tendency to be preachy in my experience.
THE SQUARE (Apparition) Genre: Foreign Thriller. A married man has an affair with a married woman leading to arson, blackmail and mayhem. Release Strategy: New York/Los Angeles. RATING: 2.3 The trailer looked very intriguing.
WHEN YOU’RE STRANGE: A FILM ABOUT THE DOORS (Abramorama) Genre: Documentary. Ummmm…it’s a film about the Doors. What are you, stupid? Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 3.6 After No One Here Gets Out Alive, do we really need another documentary about The Doors?
WHO DO YOU LOVE? (International Film Circuit) Genre: Biopic. The story of Chess Records impresario Leonard Chess. Release Strategy: New York (Opening in Los Angeles April 16). RATING: 3.8 Didn’t somebody already make Cadillac Records?

APRIL 16, 2010

A SHINE OF RAINBOWS (Seville) Genre: Family Drama. An extraordinary and magical woman helps an orphan find self-acceptance in a small village in Ireland. Release Strategy: Canada.  RATING: 3.8 Ah those zany Irish!
THE CITY OF YOUR FINAL DESTINATION (Screen Media) Genre: Drama. An inter-familial battle ensues over the biographical rights of a recently deceased South American author. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 3.0 James Ivory of Merchant-Ivory reunited with Anthony Hopkins…suh-weet!
DEATH AT A FUNERAL (Screen Gems) Genre: Urban Comedy. Hi-jinks ensue at the funeral of an African-American family patriarch. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 2.9 An urban remake of an English comedy? Hmmm…
EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP (Producers Distribution Agency) Genre: Documentary. The story of the mysterious and mercurial graffiti artist Banksy. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 4.0 I have ABSOLUTELY no desire to see a film about a defacer of public buildings.
HANDSOME HARRY (Paladin) Genre: Mystery. A Vietnam vet tries to make amends for a crime committed by a group of his buddies during the war. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.9 Could be intriguing.
THE JONESES
(Roadside Attractions) Genre: Dark Comedy. A marketing company assembles a group of people together to pose as a family in order to incite people to buy products they don’t need. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.0 I’d like to keep up with THESE Joneses.
KICK-ASS (Lionsgate) Genre: Superhero Action. A high school student decides to adopt the persona of a superhero – even though he has no super powers. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 4.0 Has had a huge buzz ever since ComiCon last year.
MESRINE: A FILM IN TWO PARTS (Music Box) Genre: Foreign Crime Drama Biopic. The true story of Jacques Mesrine, one of the most notorious criminals in France. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.1 After Un Prophet French gangster movies are in vogue.
NO-ONE KNOWS ABOUT PERSIAN CATS (IFC) Genre: Drama. Underground indie rock bands in Teheran risk arrest in order to follow their muse. Release Strategy: New York (Opening in Los Angeles April 23). RATING: 2.4 Could make Iranian indie rock hip.
THE PERFECT GAME (Slowhand Releasing) Genre: Sports Drama. A group of poor boys from Monterrey, Mexico become the first non-American team to win the Little League World Series. Release Strategy: Limited RATING: 3.1 Have they run out of inspirational sports stories yet?
THE SECRET IN THEIR EYES (Sony Classics) Genre: Foreign Thriller. A court reporter decides to write a novel about a sensational crime he was assigned to, dredging up memories some of which should have best remained forgotten. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 1.9 Won the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar this year.

APRIL 21, 2010

KENNY CHESNEY: SUMMER IN 3D (Sony Hot Ticket) Genre: Concert Film. Footage taken from Chesney’s Sun City Carnival tour last year. Release Strategy: Limited, Special Engagement. RATING: 3.6 I must admit that I’m not much of a country music fan.

APRIL 22, 2010

ACCIDENTS HAPPEN (Hopscotch/Galvanized) Genre: Indie Dramedy. A young traumatized teen hangs out with a local troublemaker in order to anger his family with unforeseen consequences. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.9 Sounds like I’ve seen this one before.
OCEANS (DisneyNature) Genre: Nature Documentary. A glimpse below the surface of the world’s oceans, a place we know less about than the surface of the moon. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 1.6 From the makers of Planet Earth.

APRIL 23, 2010

THE BACK-UP PLAN (CBS) Genre: Comedy. A young Manhattanite who has a biological clock whose alarm is about to go off resorts to Plan B – only to fall in love. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 3.7 Can you say “Baby Mama”?
BEST WORST MOVIE (Area 23A) Genre: Documentary. The story of the making of the film Troll 2, arguably one of the worst movies ever made. Release Strategy: Austin TX (Opening in New York on May 14 and in Los Angeles on May 21). RATING: 2.5 What is more lovable than an utter cinematic bomb?
BOOGIE WOOGIE (IFC) Genre: Comedy. An ensemble comedy about the London art scene. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 3.2 Art for art’s sake is not my cup of tea.
THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WEIRD (IFC) Genre: Foreign Western. Three strangers on a train compete for a mysterious map in this Korean (!) Western. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.9 East meets West.
HEY HEY IT’S ESTHER BLUEBURGER (Monterey Media) Genre: Indie Comedy. A young Jewish girl flees her Bat Mitzvah to try and fit in a hipper family while masquerading as a Swedish exchange student. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 3.1 I’ve seen Undercover Brother but Undercover Jew?!
LET IT RAIN (IFC) Genre: Foreign Drama. When a family gathers to bury its matriarch, the housekeeper’s son resolves to make a documentary about Agathe, the politically oriented daughter. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 3.7 The French excel at such dramas but I’ve seen quite a few of them lately.
THE LOSERS (Warner Brothers) Genre: Action. A highly trained group of special ops agents are betrayed from the inside and go on the hunt to restore their name. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 1.2 Like the A-Team with an edge…

APRIL 28, 2010

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (IFC) Genre: Horror. A mad scientist attempts to fuse people together in a reverse engineering of Siamese Twins. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.6 Could be delightfully weird.

APRIL 30, 2010

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (New Line) Genre: Horror. A remake of the iconic 80s horror film starring Jackie Earle Haley as Freddie Krueger. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 2.0 One, two, Freddie’s coming for you…
FURRY VENGEANCE (Summit) Genre: Family Comedy. When a developer plans to put houses where a forest used to be, the critters that live there fight back. Release Strategy: Wide. RATING: 2.8 I don’t think I’m ready to see ninja woodchucks.
THE GOOD HEART (Magnolia) Genre: Indie Drama. A bar owner who is drinking and smoking himself to death takes a young man under his wing. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.2 Ready to belly up to this bar.
HARRY BROWN (Goldwyn) Genre: Indie Crime Thriller. A retired Special Forces soldier decides to fight back when young thugs take over his neighborhood. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.2 Michael Caine as a septuagenarian Rambo? Slap me and call me Sally!
I LOVE YOU PHILIP MORRIS (Freestyle Releasing) Genre: Comedy. A Texas criminal falls in love with his cellmate and escapes from jail four times to be with him. Release Strategy: Limited (Opening Wide on May 7). RATING: 3.0 Jim Carey as a hardened criminal? Stretches believability to the limit.
MERCY (IFC) Genre: Indie Romance. An author falls in love with the only critic that doesn’t like his work. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.9 James Caan and Scott Caan in the same movie? It’s Caan-tagious!
PLEASE GIVE (Sony Classics) Genre: Dark Comedy. A Manhattan couple purchases the apartment next door to theirs in order to expand their own living space, but the elderly woman living in it refuses to die. Release Strategy: Limited. RATING: 2.1 From the trailer this looks pretty twisted; just the way I like it.

SCHEDULED TO BE REVIEWED HERE AS NEW RELEASES

Clash of the Titans, Leaves of Grass (Florida Film Festival), The Warlords (Florida Film Festival), Date Night, Kick-Ass, The Losers

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