(2021) Documentary (SHER) Alex Sangha, Kayden Bhangu, Jag Nagra, Jaspal Sangha, Avtar Nagra, Harv Nagra, Rajwent Nagra. Directed by Vinay Giridhar
Coming out is no easy task even in the best of circumstances. It means admitting not only to those you care about but also to yourself, that there is something different about you. Doing it within a culture that places family so highly, but also considers homosexuality to be anathema, bringing shame to both family and community. In South Asia, many gay children have been disowned by their parents and the incidence of suicide among gay South Asians is horrifically high.
This Canadian documentary examines the coming out experience of three LGBTA individuals of South Asian ethnicity; Amar (who goes by Alex), Kayden and Jag. All three had very different experiences. Alex was raised mainly by his mother Jaspal, who left her husband when he became alcoholic and abusive. That in itself is unusual in the Sikh community, but Jaspar is an extremely strong woman and she proved to be extremely supportive of her son, making his coming out relatively easy, or at least easier than the others had it.
Jag had to contend with parents who had already seen their other child, Jag’s brother Harv, come out. It made her more hesitant to come out because she was concerned that her parents would be less able to handle it because her brother had already come out and it turned out to be difficult at first, but eventually her parents came around.
That wasn’t the case for Kayden, who already had a contentious relationship with his parents. They still live in India, and after he ran away from home (and eventually returning when he found it too hard to cope), he came out to his parents who responded by beating the living crap out of him and disowning him. He eventually ended up in Canada where he was often suicidal and calls to his mom just to hear her voice frequently ended up with her hanging up on him.
But eventually things got better for Kayden, who discovered a support group for young people like himself, of South Asian heritage who were gay. The organization, SHER, turned out to be a life saver for him as he discovered other in similar situations who gave him the love and support he had been denied by his family. These days he doesn’t think he’ll ever reconcile with his parents, and he remains angry at them, his father in particular – and justifiably so.
The documentary is largely straight interviews, which are conducted pretty professionally. There are occasionally some tears, but for the most part are more matter-of-fact. We see a lot of home pictures of the young children who became the adults we see being interviewed before us. Unfortunately, the music for the soundtrack is often used to make moments sound more dramatic. It’s actually totally unnecessary as those moments tend to speak for themselves. The filmmakers need to trust their audience a little bit more.
It seems such a waste, to deny your own flesh and blood for something they cannot help any more than they can help what toppings they prefer on their pizzas. How do you cope when the one place that you would expect unconditional love from, the one place that should support you no matter what denies your very existence? Organizations like SHER are necessary because of that; perhaps as we continue to become more enlightened vis a vis our LGBTQ brothers and sisters we won’t need them forever. Sadly, it looks like we’ll need them for a while longer, however.
REASONS TO SEE: Some very compelling stories about coming out.
REASONS TO AVOID: The soundtrack is a bit bombastic.
FAMILY VALUES: There is frank discussion of adult and sexual themes.
TRIVIAL PURSUIT: Alex Sangha is the founder of SHER, an organization dedicated to supporting South Asian gay people in Canada. The group also funded and distributed this film.
CRITICAL MASS: As of 9/28/21: Rotten Tomatoes: No score yet; Metacritic: No score yet.
COMPARISON SHOPPING: The Boys in the Band
FINAL RATING: 6.5/10
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