Immortals

Proof positive that Henry Cavill made this movie with a wink and tongue firmly in cheek.

(2011) Swords and Sandals Fantasy (Relativity) Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, Stephen Dorff, John Hurt, Isabel Lucas, Luke Evans, Kellan Lutz, Joseph Morgan, Anne Day-Jones, Greg Bryk, Stephen McHattie, Alan Van Sprang, Peter Stebbings. Directed by Tarsem Singh

 

Our Western civilization is extremely indebted to the Greeks. They gave us democracy, theater and philosophy among other things. We owe them so much. We could think of better ways to repay them than this though.

Director Tarsem Singh (The Fall, The Cell) has crafted a visually impressive but ultimately empty take on the myth of Theseus. Theseus was an Athenian hero best known for slaying the minotaur of Crete (which he does here, kinda sorta). The average Athenian probably wouldn’t recognize him here; he is the bastard son of Aethra (Day-Jones) as the result of rape. He is a peasant and looked down upon by the soldiers, particularly Lysander (Morgan) who was from those parts.

King Hyperion (Rourke) has a bone to pick with the Gods. His wife and daughter died of plague while despite his prayers the Gods did nothing. Therefore, he is going to destroy the Gods by fetching the Epirus Bow, using this weapon to free the Titans – mortal enemies of the Gods – from their prison beneath Mount Tartarus.

This would be disastrous for both mankind and God alike. The only one who can save the whole lot apparently is Theseus – this has been foretold by the Virgin Oracle Phaedra (Pinto) who, true to form for most movies of this sort is dressed up in the skimpiest costume and won’t be a virgin for long. While Zeus (Evans) forbids the Gods from intervening, they kinda do and soon Theseus is locked into a headlong collision with the mad King Hyperion.

Like 300, most of this is shot on green screen and nearly all of it is computer generated. While the former was groundbreaking and entertaining, there isn’t any of that “brave new world” quality that was so fresh and invigorating in 300. Rather, it’s dark and murky and looks computer generated. There’s no warmth or humanity in it.

Cavill has a lot of potential as a lead. He’s the new Superman and judging on what I saw here he should be more than adequate to handle the part. Here he’s charismatic (even though he is given some pretty ludicrous dialogue)  and handles his action scenes pretty well. However, there was a wooden quality in some of his romance scenes; we’ll see how he does with Amy Adams as Lois Lane but Freida Pinto didn’t spark a whole lot of fire with Cavill.

Singh’s artistic sense is well-documented but at times there is a feeling that he’s being overly cute, showing off his skills rather than serving his story. That’s all well and good, but sometimes a little skill goes a lot farther than a lot. The script simply doesn’t support the kind of grandiose imagery and camera trickery we see here.

Also a word to the wise – the gore here can be overwhelming. Da Queen is far from squeamish but she found herself turning away during the last battle scene due to the mayhem being witnessed. If I’d wanted to see that much blood and gore, I’d have rented the Saw DVDs and had myself a marathon.

I liked some of what the movie did and there were some images that were just this side of amazing. However, there was too much dazzle for dazzle’s sake, something Singh seems to be caught up in as a director. People don’t go to the movies to see a sequence of eye candy – they go to be told a story, and if you can tell it well, they’ll forgive just about anything. Tell it badly and all the eye candy in the world won’t save you, any more than Theseus will.

REASONS TO GO: Some impressive images. Cavill proves himself to be a fine lead which gives me some hope for his upcoming Superman role.

REASONS TO STAY: The violence and gore is unnecessarily over-the-top. A few too many “Look, Ma, I’m directing” moments. Some of the CGI isn’t up to snuff. Overacted throughout.

FAMILY VALUES: Lots and lots of violence and gore. There is also one scene of sexuality, but mostly this is swords, spears and daggers slicing through stuff.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT: The movie was originally named both Dawn of War and War of the Gods before settling on the release name.

HOME OR THEATER: Definitely a cast of thousands big screen sort, even if the thousands are all computer generated.

FINAL RATING: 5/10

TOMORROW: Dinosaur

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Uma Thurman checks to make sure her new hairstyle is cutting edge; Logan Lerman doesn't think so.

(20^th Century Fox) Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Catherine Keener, Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Jake Abel, Rosario Dawson, Steve Coogan, Kevin McKidd, Joe Pantoliano, Melina Kanakaredes. Directed by Chris Columbus

According to ancient Greek mythology, the pantheon of Gods were in reality an incredibly horny bunch who spent a goodly amount of time rutting with humans and producing offspring who inherited some of the powers of the Gods as well as the attributes of humans. These were called demigods and many Greek heroes, such as Heracles and Perseus, were of this race. But of course we all know the Greek gods were myths…weren’t they?

Percy Jackson (Lerman) is a high school student who is a little bit…he’s not quite…he’s strange, okay? He can hold his breath far longer than most human beings are capable of and he likes to sit at the bottom of the school swimming pool because he likes to think while he’s underwater, freed of the distractions of the world of the New York City high school he goes to. His only real friend is Grover (Jackson), a young man who walks on crutches. Percy is dyslexic and suffers from ADHD which makes him a hyperactive teenager who can’t read well.

At home, things pretty much suck too. Percy’s mom (Keener), a beautiful woman who has been worn down by life and circumstance, lives in a crummy apartment with her boyfriend Gabe Ugliano (Pantoliano), a foul-smelling pig who treats his mother like dirt. Percy would love to kick Gabe out of his life, but his mother incomprehensibly refuses.

On a school field trip led by the wheelchair-confined Mr. Brunner (Brosnan), Percy is pulled aside by a substitute teacher (Maria Olsen) who turns into this hideous winged monster that Percy later learns is called a Fury and is attacked by the shrieking creature, who demands that Percy turn over “the lightning bolt” to her. Percy has no idea what this means, but the arrival of Mr. Brunner and Grover chase the Fury off.

Of course, Percy is confused about what’s happening but there’s not a lot of time for explanations. Grover, who calls himself “Percy’s protector” accompanies the boy back to his home where Percy’s mom is in the middle of serving a group of Gabe’s poker buddies. Grover tells her that they need to leave and right now. Strangely, she follows his instructions without question, which doesn’t sit well with Gabe who needs someone to fetch the beer. Grover dispatches him with his crutches and the trio gets out of Dodge.

They head for a place known only as “the camp” and almost reach the confines of it when they are attacked by a hideous gigantic bull-like monster called a Minotaur. The boys survive the attack but the Minotaur grabs Percy’s mom, who disappears in flame and smoke.

As it turns out, Percy’s teacher Mr. Brunner runs the camp and as it turns out, he’s actually a centaur named Chiron (the wheelchair was an illusion meant to mask Chiron’s plentitude of horse’s backside). As it also turns out, all the kids in this camp are the human offspring of Gods and humans, and Percy himself is the son of Poseidon (McKidd). The Gods were forbidden contact with their human offspring after they turn six months old, and so deserted their human partners. Gods as deadbeat dads…kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?

The big problem is that the lightning bolt, the most powerful weapon in the universe, has been stolen and its owner, Zeus (Bean) thinks Percy is responsible for reasons never explained. Zeus gives Percy 14 days to find the weapon and return it to Zeus at Mt. Olympus or else the Gods would go to war, a war which would devastate the earth and the humans living on it.

Chris Columbus, the man who kicked off the Harry Potter film franchise, is attempting to do the same with the popular young adult book series from Rick Riordan. Unfortunately, I don’t get the impression that this will pull in Potter-like numbers, not is it as good a film as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was.

The writers of the movie made the unilateral decision to make some wholesale changes from the book. Some of these changes were minor but several were fundamental. One of the reasons I think the Potter film franchise did so well is because the filmmakers didn’t make many changes at the insistence of author J.K. Rowling. I can understand skewing the movie to an older audience (more profitable y’see) but much of the charm and the wonder of the book has been cut out as well.

That leaves lavish action sequences and hideous monsters for the most part and these are executed well. Certainly there’s plenty of spectacle here, from the scenes in Hades and Olympus to more earthly locations like Vegas, New York City and the camp. There are plenty of well-known actors showing up here, from Uma Thurman as Medusa (and she does as good a job as anyone with a tangle of hissing digital snakes on her head) to Melissa Kanakaredes as Athena. The odd casting choice was comedian Steve Coogan as Hades – one would think Hades to be a not particularly funny character and in fact he isn’t.

The three leads have to absolutely click for this to succeed and while in some ways they do, they don’t to the extent that Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint did in Potter. Following the Potter formula of two guys and one girl at the forefront, Lerman as Percy is a bit bland. Jackson does a fairly good turn as the jive-talking African-American second banana, but the part seems a bit cliché; I would have appreciated him being a little less smart-mouthed and a little more smart. Not mentioned in my synopsis is Daddario as Annabeth, Athena’s daughter who doesn’t show up until the camp sequence. She is a brilliant strategizer and formidable warrior and is there essentially to be Percy’s love interest.

You’ll learn a lot of Greek mythology here and they use it fairly accurately and update it nicely (although in the stories, Medusa was killed by Perseus but appears here quite alive). I liked the Mt. Olympus set especially; it looked a lot like I imagined it. In fact, nearly all of the special effects sequences work magnificently.

The problem is with the script, I think. Lots of plot points are never explained or supported and some just flat-out don’t make any sense. For example, the big one is why is Percy accused of the theft in the first place? According to Zeus’ own law he isn’t aware of his divine parentage; why would he want to steal something that he has no idea of its existence?

All in all, this isn’t a bad movie by any means. It’s not a great movie either. As for kick-starting a major tentpole film franchise, I really am skeptical of the future of further Percy Jackson films. I hope I’m wrong, but they’ll need some better writing to really punch it into the popular consciousness. Until then, future Percy Jackson movies seem to be as much myth as the Gods themselves.

REASONS TO GO: A very clever use of Greek mythology in a modern setting. The special effects sequences are top notch.  

REASONS TO STAY: There are many plot holes that cause you to wonder if wholesale parts of the script were edited out. Not sure if the trio of young actors playing the leads have what it takes to sustain interest through a multi-movie series.

FAMILY VALUES: The monsters are way too frightening for younger children – you know, the core audience for the books. One family walked out of the theater we were in when their little one became upset at the Fury, and that was only the first monster encountered.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT: In the original book, Percy Jackson is 12 years old. In the movie he is depicted as 17 years old.

HOME OR THEATER: Definitely some of the big battle scenes and effects sequences should be seen in the theater.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

TOMORROW: Coraline