Crank: High Voltage


Crank: High Voltage

You can't say that Jason Statham doesn't get a charge out of life.

(Lionsgate) Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam, Efren Ramirez, Clifton Collins Jr., Bai Ling, David Carradine, Art Hsu, Corey Haim, Gerri Halliwell, John de Lancie. Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor

Some action movies are high octane. Others, nuclear meltdowns. The first Crank was one of the latter. Would this one measure up?

You wouldn’t think so, given that the hero of the first movie (SPOILER ALERT) falls from a helicopter to his apparent death on the city street below. (CONTINUE READING) But in the universe of Crank: High Voltage, Asian gangsters come along with a snow shovel to scoop up the wide-awake Chev Chelios (Statham) with a snow shovel to bring him to a back room operating room, where his seemingly indestructible heart has been removed for transplant into an aged Chinese mobster (a nearly unrecognizable Carradine).

He has been given a cut-rate artificial heart powered by a car battery to keep his body alive before other organs (including his, ummm, manliest) can be harvested as well. Instead, Chelios awakes to wreak mayhem, havoc and otherwise kick the crap out of things. He goes on yet another rampage around the Los Angeles area to find his heart so that he might get it back, stopping periodically to recharge his dying battery. He rescues his girlfriend Eve (Smart) from a life of exotic dancing, gets together with his incredulous doctor (Yoakam) and picks up Venus (Ramirez), the effeminate twin brother of Kaylo (also played by Ramirez) from the first movie (and Venus has a rather unusual affliction by the way), and Ria (Ling), a goofy prostitute who becomes smitten with Chelios.

Further explanation is unnecessary, redundant and superfluous. If you loved the cinematic video game that was the first movie, this will be right up your alley. Neveldine/Taylor, the directing team responsible for the first one, has amped things up a notch, shooting the improbability factor to 10 and letting loose their guerilla filmmakers onto an unsuspecting city.

This is the kind of movie not meant to be taken seriously, yet most of the reviews I read of it seemed downright huffy. Look guys, this was never meant to be a Merchant/Ivory production. This is going to appeal to the crowd that plays Grand Theft Auto for 36 hours straight, hyped out on Mountain Dew, Hot Pockets and testosterone. The heavy metal soundtrack should tell you that this is meant expressly for young males.

Yes, Virginia, there is some stereotyping, nudity, sexuality and a whole lot of violence, but so what? The stereotyping is done so broadly that it’s fairly obvious it’s meant as satire. The nudity and violence are so over-the-top that it’s impossible to take it too seriously, and the script so ludicrous that it becomes understood that this is meant to be Jackass on steroids high on angel dust.

Statham makes Chelios as fun as it is possible for a hit man to be, poking fun at his own image in the process. He is a masterful action hero, looking convincing in all the fight sequences and running around with a perpetual scowl on his face that invites the good citizens of Los Angeles to stay the frack out of his way if they know what’s good for them.

There are constant little homages to B-movies of the past, from The Brain that Would Not Die to El Mariachi as well as to the pop culture of the digital age – videogames and things like Red Versus Blue. Again, this moves at dizzying speed, so much so that you feel like you’ve sprinted through a marathon by the time the movie comes to an end.

This isn’t Shakespeare folks; it’s just a good time, and Crank: High Voltage succeeds wildly at that. This is the kind of movie that you put on, turn off your brain and let the energy drinks flow as you pound your chest and shout an occasional ”WHOAAAA!” at the screen. You’ll need to go through detox after seeing this one.

WHY RENT THIS: If you liked the first movie, you’re gonna love this one – all the frenetic oddball action, only amped up another notch.  

WHY RENT SOMETHING ELSE: The nudity, the violence, the ludicrous plot…if those things bother you, you’re better off watching the next edition of Masterpiece Theater.

FAMILY VALUES: Oh, c’mon…you’re not honestly thinking of letting your kids see this are you? If you are, your kids are going to need therapy, man.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT: The home video edition is entitled Crank 2: High Voltage although the theatrical release didn’t have a number in the title.

NOTABLE DVD EXTRAS: The Blu-Ray has a Crank’d Out Bonus View mode featuring the cast and crew, as well as a featurette on the wrap party for the movie, something we rarely get to see.  

FINAL RATING: 7/10

TOMORROW: Drag Me to Hell

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Gamer


No matter how mad Terry Crews gets, Gerard Butler won't share his candy.

No matter how mad Terry Crews gets, Gerard Butler just won't share his candy.

(Lionsgate) Gerard Butler, Amber Valetta, Michael C. Hall, Logan Lerman, Alison Lohman, Kyra Sedgwick, Ludacris, John Leguizamo, Zoe Bell, Terry Crews, Ramsey Moore, Aaron Yoo, Jonathan Chase, Brighid Fleming. Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor

Almost since the advent of Pong, certain parental groups have decried the violence in videogames. Once you’ve fragged enough aliens, monsters or opposing soldiers, what’s left to do?

In the near future, gaming has evolved to the next level. Instead of controlling pixels on a television or computer screen, technology developed by techno-genius Ken Castle (Hall) enables gamers to control actual human beings. At first, it’s fairly benign in the social networking game “Society,” in which paid actors act out the fantasy of their controllers, thanks to a nanochip embedded in the brains of the actors that allow the gamers to broadcast instructions directly into the brains of the actors, who then perform any action the gamers wish like a marionette on a string. Apparently what most gamers wish in this dystopian future is softcore porn and raves.

The next step in this process is Slayers, a game featuring death row convicts who battle it out in a gritty urban arena with automatic weapons and grenades. Should the convict survive 30 battles, they are given their release, inspiring a wealth of potential slayers.

The best slayer is Kable (Butler), who has come as close as anyone to achieving freedom. However, he knows a little bit too much about the nanotech developed by Castle, so the multi-billionaire has set Kable up to fall, using a very angry avatar named Hackman (Crews) who has no player, which allows Hackman to act independently without any lag time, a huge advantage over the other slayers who have a several second lag between gamer command and slayer action. Fortunately, Kable’s gamer Simon (Lerman) is very, very good at what he does.

Not everyone thinks this is a perfect world. A group of techno-terrorists who call themselves Humanz are led by Brother (Ludacris), who hack into the game feed, much to the annoyance of Castle and cause all sorts of havoc. A popular interviewer/journalist named Gina Parker Smith (Sedgwick) is also suspicious of what Castle is doing and wants to know more about the Humanz.

Kable doesn’t care about any of this. He’s more concerned about getting back to his wife Angie (Valletta) and daughter (Fleming). Angie is working as one of the actresses in the Society milieu, controlled by an astoundingly obese gamer named Gorge (Moore). Kable soon begins to understand that there is no winning the game, only escaping – and once he escapes, can he save his family from the slavery that Castle intends to unleash upon the world?

Neveldine and Taylor are best known for their movie Crank which was like a videogame on steroids, and was one of the most entertaining action movies of the past few years. They do have the action thing in the bag, as the Slayer action sequences are plenty cool. What happens in between is a little bit less copacetic. I can see where they’re going with this – a commentary on the desensitizing of society and the gaming culture in general. Still, it’s hard to believe that anyone would ever allow another human being complete control of their body, no matter how desperate they were.

Butler is becoming one of my favorite actors working, but this won’t be remembered as a role he nailed. Kable has pretty much no personality whatsoever and while you’re ostensibly rooting for him, the fact of the matter is that you don’t really have much reason to care for him. Hall is actually kind of entertaining as the nerdy but arrogant tech whiz who performs a lip-synch dance to the Sammy Davis Jr. chestnut “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” with his lackeys (every good villain’s gotta have lackeys) doing a dance number along with him. That’s one of the better moments in the movie and shows the kind of flair, humor and imagination that the Neveldine/Taylor duo has at their best.

Unfortunately, this isn’t their best. A good videogame has a storyline that you want to follow through to its conclusion; at the very least, you can’t wait to experience what comes next. In this case, what comes next is predictable to the point where you’re checking your watch to see if its time to go yet. It isn’t the worst movie that will be released this year, but there aren’t many compelling reasons to go out of your way to see it.

REASONS TO GO: Some decent action sequences, and that’s about it.

REASONS TO STAY: Butler sleepwalks through his poorly written part. Neveldine/Taylor make movies for adrenaline junkies and this won’t sate even the most hardcore of fans.

FAMILY VALUES: Violence, a whole bunch of it and nudity, as well as sexual situations plus lots of bad language; not for the kiddies.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT: Rather than using graphics that say “The End” at the conclusion of a film, directors Neveldine and Taylor use “GAME OVER INSERT COIN,” bringing to mind videogames from the ‘80s.

HOME OR THEATER: Skip it altogether, but if you must see it, you can wait for the home video release.

FINAL RATING: 4/10

TOMORROW: The Hunting Party