Whiteout


Kate Beckinsale

This is Kate Beckinsale looking concerned. Later, she'll look perplexed.

(Warner Brothers) Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, Columbus Short, Tom Skerritt, Alex O’Laughlin, Shawn Doyle, Joel Keller, Jesse Todd, Arthur Holden, Erin Hickock. Directed by Dominic Sena

In space, no one can hear you scream; by the same token, at the South Pole, nobody can see a maniac coming either. At least, not in this movie.

It all starts with a plane full of Soviet Russians circa 1955 transporting a mysterious box over the South Pole to God knows where (Ummm…not to make too fine a point of it, but isn’t the USSR closer to the North Pole? Just asking…) when a gunfight breaks out on the transport plane. As anyone who knows airplanes can tell you, a gunfight on an airplane in midflight is usually a very bad idea. This scene would bear that out – so remember the next time you feel the urge to shoot someone on a plane, no matter how irritating they are.

Fifty years later another body turns up, and like the Russians, this one was killed on purpose but nobody knows who it was or what the body was doing all the way to Hell and gone. U.S. Marshall Carrie Stetko (Beckinsale) has maybe the cushiest and worst job in the U.S. Marshall service – the most she ever has to deal with are a couple of geologists arguing about whose theory about igneous rocks is more accurate. Now, she has to deal with a murder – and only two days to solve it before the researchers fly north for the winter.

She will be aided by the wise, kindly Dr. Fury (Skerritt) who has nothing to do with Nick Fury other than they both originated in comic books, an FBI agent (Macht) who shows up conveniently, a wisecracking pilot (Short) and umm…other guys. As other bodies start turning up and an investigation of the original crime scene turns up that Russian transport plane from the prologue, it appears that the murders have something to do with whatever was in that mysterious box. What was so valuable that people would be killing for it fifty years later? The Ark of the Covenant maybe?

The movie started out life as a tautly written graphic novel that was way more suspenseful than this mess. The fact that it was shelved for nearly a decade before it was made, then sat on the studio shelf an additional two years after it was made should have told you something; well, obviously you took it to heart because this bombed at the box office in a hailstorm of negative reviews.

Part of the movie’s problem is endemic to the location, which is ironically one of the things that sets this movie apart from other thrillers. The whiteout conditions at the conclusion of the movie make it nearly impossible to tell who’s fighting who, or see what the characters are doing. I’ve seen plenty of movies so underlit that you can’t make out what’s going on; here, the action is obscured in a blizzard of studio snow.

The other problem is that much of the tension that made the graphic novel so enjoyable is largely missing here. Beckinsale, who can be a strong actress when given the right material (see Snow Angels), has been given absolutely nothing to work with here. Oh, there’s a backstory about a near-death experience while working for the Marshall Service in Miami that Haunts our Heroine Even Now, but largely she is given no personality and spends most of the movie looking perplexed, surprised, bundled up beyond recognition in fur jackets or stripping down for a gratuitous shower.

Likewise, most of the other characters are given no personalities and all kind of blend together with the exception of Skerritt’s Doc Fury who comes off a bit like a skinny Wilford Brimley. As such, you’re given no reason to care a whit about any of them, even after the maniac with the pickaxe comes calling.

There were four writers credited with the screenplay, which makes for patchwork screenwriting. This was a difficult graphic novel to translate to the motion picture medium at best for the reasons outlined above, but it basically had no chance with so many fingers in its pie. Hopefully, the studios and producer Joel Silver will have learned a lesson; avoid action sequences in a snowstorm and focus on character development if you want the suspense to really go off the scale and in the future, try to inject a little suspense into a suspense movie.

WHY RENT THIS: Kate Beckinsale is a beautiful woman.

WHY RENT SOMETHING ELSE: Not a lot of suspense and quite frankly some of the action is hard to see.

FAMILY VALUES: There is a bit of violence but not to excess, some rather grisly images and a bit of nudity. Probably not for the kids, unless they’re crazy mature.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT: The Lake Manitoba exterior location was occasionally colder than the South Pole it was doubling for.

NOTABLE DVD EXTRAS: None listed.

FINAL RATING: 5/10

TOMORROW: The Expendables

New Releases for the Week of September 11, 2009


 

Peek-a-boo!!

Peek-a-boo!!

9

(Focus) Starring the voices of Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, Martin Landau, Christopher Plummer, John C. Reilly, Crispin Glover. Directed by Shane Acker

Humankind is extinct, wiped out by machines of their own making. If you thought that’s the next Terminator film, you’d be wrong. That’s how this feature animation begins, which is based on an animated short that was a critical hit on the festival circuit a few years back (Da Queen and I caught it at the Florida Film Festival and can testify that it is one of the finest animated shorts we’ve ever seen, completely creative and imaginative). Nine ragdoll creations, given the breath of life by a human genius, are all that remains of Homo sapiens. They must find a way to survive against the marauding machines, bent on their destruction. Discovering a way to beat the machines is the key to the survival of civilization.

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: PG-13 (for violence and scary images)

My One and Only

(Freestyle) Renee Zellweger, Logan Lerman, Kevin Bacon, Chris Noth. Ann Devereaux leaves her philandering husband in search of a new mate more worthy of her, with her teenage sons in tow. However, wealthy men who are loving and loyal are in short supply in 1953 and her feminine charms have lost a bit of luster since she was last single two decades prior. As a parade of suitors come and go, the boys go through a series of increasingly less glamorous living arrangements the three come to rely on each other more than they ever thought they could and Ann provides them with a different future than they could ever have imagined.

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: PG-13 (for sexual content and language)

Sorority Row

(Summit) Briana Evigan, Leah Pipes, Rumer Willis, Jamie Chung. When a prank goes horribly wrong, five sorority sisters agree to keep the inadvertent death of a sister hidden. Unfortunately, an unseen, homicidal monster seems to know all their hidden secrets and is picking off the sorority girls one by bloody one. Following a recent trend, this is a remake of an Eighties horror film, The House on Sorority Row.

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: R (for strong bloody violence, language, some sexuality/nudity and partying)

Thirst

(Focus) Song Kang-ho, Shin Ha-kyun, Kim Ok-bi, Kim Hae-sook. From the director of Oldboy and Lady Vengeance comes this sensual, ultra-violent vampire film. When a priest receives a transfusion with tainted blood, he is forced to exist in the half-life of a vampire. When the wife of a friend comes to him begging to help her escape from her life, he enters a carnal world of desire and sensation that is at odds with his long-held faith, creating a war within himself that can only end in tragedy.

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: R (for graphic bloody violence, disturbing images, strong sexual content, nudity and language)

Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself

(Lionsgate) Tyler Perry, Taraji P. Henson, Mary J. Blige, Adam Rodriguez. When Madea, the pistol-packing grandma from previous Tyler Perry films catches three young kids robbing her home, she packs them off to live with their only relative April, who wants nothing to do with them. She’s a self-centered nightclub singer who sponges off her married boyfriend and lives for her own immediate gratification, until a Mexican immigrant enters her life and shows her that true love may be possible, but only if she can give up her selfish ways. Can she choose love over material things?

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: PG-13 (for mature thematic material involving a sexual assault on a minor, violence, drug references and smoking)

Whiteout

(Warner Brothers) Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, Tom Skerritt, Columbus Short. The lone U.S. Marshall assigned to Antarctica is confronted by the first murder on the frozen continent. She is drawn into a mystery that she must solve before winter sets in and strands her in the darkness with the killer. Based on the Oni Press graphic novel.

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: R (for violence, grisly images, brief strong language and some nudity)